J.
You were the pride of my life. The only person that I knew that was able to attain so much achievements within this short period of time, was only you. You were always inspired by others and have regularly inspired others to push themselves to do what they thought they couldn’t. Your inspirational, courageous and happy characteristics defined you as a person.
You were known to be a person without any trouble, a person that was able to face his demons. Even when you were fighting with your own demons, you took in others’ demons just to give others a ray of light into their lives. You were crumbling and we failed to see that.
I saw you struggling and I thought you needed time. I had this feeling that you were facing issues twice, yet I didn’t call or head down to look for you. Do not question why I did not look for you but rather, just blame it on my stupidity and my uselessness. I would have rather shouldered the stress of handling your demons than to be left in the dark and to regret not being able to help you when you were still around.
The guilt is strong with this situation. I can never let it go because a huge part of my soul and my life has left me. Sometimes, I don’t know how and what I should feel about it. “What have you learned from this?”, they asked. “To always put in more effort than required”, was my thought.
Friends have told me that I couldn’t possibly have saved you even if I came down but at least if I came down, there was a good chance to. I am sorry that I didn’t come down. I know you said you have found your peace from this and I really hope you did.
I just want you to know that despite everything, I still love you no matter what you’ve done and who you truly are.
Goodbye forever J and I hope that in the next life, I will be able to take better care of you.
